Last week I wrote about Jean punishing me, at least in my opinion, for what I consider minor transgressions. This week the process continues. Each year, when I close up the cottage for the season, I lock up my file cabinets and hide the keys. There’s nothing particularly valuable in there, but they contain copies of tax returns and other personal items I would rather not see distributed on the streets. When I locked them up last year, Jean was with me and I asked her to help me remember where I put the keys.

When Rona and Barry moved out of the cottage a couple of weeks ago, I went in and the place was cleaner than when I left it. I looked in what I considered my usual spots and no keys. I went through every drawer in my desk and every wicker basket and still no keys. I went through all my dresser drawers and, you guessed it, still no keys. I went through all the drawers and hiding places in the condo and also came up empty. I went through the dresser drawers on Green Street and nothing. I asked Jean where I put them and she said she conveniently (my word) didn’t remember.

We talked last weekend about it and she asked if I looked on the side of the pantry at the Green Street house where she hung her keys. I said no but that could be where I put them. On Monday she went down to the house to do some yard work and I waited for her to return to ride bike. She called in a little while and said she wasn’t going to ride, so I decided to go out to Pierce Cedar Creek Institute to do a little work. We passed on the street as I was leaving and I told her where I was going. On the way, I stopped at the house and looked on the side of the pantry but, alas, no keys.

After I left Pierce I went out to the cottage and looked in the liquor storage box (it’s liquor we don’t drink so you are all welcome to look it over and see what you want) where I hadn’t looked before. No blankety blank key there either. I went through every drawer again and even shook out my underwear, socks, and anything else that could hold a key. I did find a key that slid into one of the locks but it didn’t open. I came back to the condo and was telling Jean that I looked for the key at Green Street, couldn’t find it, and then turned the cottage upside down. She got up, ran to the bedroom, and came back with the keys. She said she found them down at the Green Street house, put them in her pocket, and forgot to tell me. I still can’t understand how she could keep a straight face telling me that tall tale.

I’m a day or so late with this week’s rambling ‘cuz I’m a little under the weather. I felt kind of dragged out at time trials on Wednesday, was a little sluggish on Thursday and, as Friday wore on, I got worse. I figured I knew what it was and it wasn’t going away on its own, so Friday evening I headed for the Walk In Clinic. Being on the hospital board, I thought it would be good to see how things were going down there. I was in and out and on my way to the drug store within an hour. The service was great, everyone was very nice, and they confirmed what I thought I had. After three days of drugs, I’m feeling a little better, but not quite back to normal. I’ll do a follow-up with my doctor tomorrow and get this whole issue put to bed.

Last evening Becky and Judy were over and they were on the deck with Jean. I think they wanted to get away from me so they didn’t catch what I have, but that’s 99.9% improbable. After a while I walked to the screen door and thought I might go out and sit with them for a couple of minutes. They must have known I was coming ‘cuz, as I got there, they were talking about panty hose and girdles and what kinds of things got pushed around and hung out when you put them on. I did an about face and decided maybe the fresh air wouldn’t do me any good.

Just (Getting A Kick Out Of Orange Pee) Jack

For some of us it takes longer to learn those things that make life go along smoothly. I’m not out of the “husband of the year” running yet, but I’m probably not in the top third of the contenders either. I thought things were going fine, but the other day Jean tried to hide my running pants and running hat. I was looking all over for them so I could go out and run, and I saw the very end of one of the pantlegs sticking out from under the covers. I opened up the bedding and found my hat that was also in the bed when Jean made it. I’m guessing Jean is trying to teach me to either get my clothes off the bed so she can make it or to make the bed at least 1/2 the time myself.

On the other hand, Wednesday I ran out of Crystal Light, so my drink container wasn’t on the top shelf in the fridge. That’s the shelf where all the tall things go. Before I could get anything back in there Jean had moved eight short things into tall stuff territory. A day or two before that, I took out the Crystal Light to pour myself a drink and, before I could return it to the fridge, Jean had put something in its spot. In one week she broke condo rules 15 and 37. It’s chaos, simply chaos.

I went to the gym to workout this past Friday morning before I went out to the cottage to mow the yard. On my way out Pat Purgiel was standing at the counter and told me he was there to freeze his thing. I told him it’s his thing and he can do whatever he wants to with it which made a couple of the girls behind the counter giggle. He said that he isn’t getting much use out of it lately so he wanted to freeze it for just a couple of months. He is 60 years old so that’s not unusual. He thought I had misunderstood what he was saying so he tried to explain that he was freezing his Health and Wellness membership but I’m not buying that one.

I’m really getting tired of riding the bike in the wind the past two Saturdays. Although I did do a couple of short rides during the week in almost perfect weather. I went out Thursday afternoon in between meetings and it was fantastic. The temp was around 75, the air was fairly dry, and the wind was light under 10 mph. I caught myself daydreaming a couple of times, but was still sailing along at a pretty good clip. I rode out Coats Grove Road and got chased by two dogs. Actually it was three, but two of them were together so that just counts as one, doesn’t it? The first one was a Black Lab mix and didn’t really come that close or give me much of a scare. The second was a Dalmatian followed by a mutt. If the Dalmatian had taken a slightly better angle, he would have had a just jack sandwich for supper. I kicked it up and outpaced him, but my heart was pumping a mile a minute.

The friends have moved out of the cottage so I’m getting it back to where I like it and I can find what I’m looking for. The moles have taken over the yard again, so I’m declaring war, also again. It doesn’t matter what I do. They will win. I know it, but I keep trying to cut down the population a little. I dug up the flower beds by the driveway. They had several perennials planted there, but I didn’t know which ones were flowers and which ones were weeds. I’m sure the previous owners would have me arrested if they knew, so please don’t tell them. As a peace offering, I delivered a letter to them that was in my mailbox at the lake, from one of their really close friends who didn’t know they moved three years ago.

Judy came over yesterday afternoon, couldn’t get her foot out of her bike pedals, and fell in our driveway. She said she did it slow motion and her feet ended up straight toward the heavens with the bike still attached. We spent the next half hour out in front watching Judy ride around in circles in the cul de sac taking her feet out and putting them back in. Becky and Judy came over last night for pizza and we watched “A Night In The Museum”. I’ve learned that you don’t want to watch one of those mysteries where the plot is laid out in the first 15 minutes. All three of them have practiced talking most of their lives so they’re good at it. It takes them 15 minutes to get it out of their system, so whatever is said in the movie during that time I can’t hear. I usually say something sarcastic like, “Do you want me to hit the mute button so the TV doesn’t interfere with your conversation?”, but It doesn’t do any good so I’ve quit that ploy.

Jean and I ran together this morning (surprise) and Becky stopped by after her mountain bike ride. I was watching a dog show and we all know Becky loves dogs. The dogs were going through an agility course that included sticks pounded into the ground at one foot intervals that the dogs had to weave through. Becky said that looked like it would be fun. Jean thought Becky meant it would be fun to weave in and out of the sticks. Becky said that she meant it would be fun to teach a dog to do it. Listening to them is like being with Lucy and Ethel on the I Love Lucy Show.

Just (Surrounded By Free Entertainment) Jack

This week’s title has a couple of meanings. First of all, on Friday I signed an agreement to sell the cottage to the same people that wanted to buy it last year. The agreement is again subject to them selling their place at Gull Lake, so here we go again, waiting for the call that may never come. It does double our chances of a sale, but that may take it from 10% to 20% or 1% to 2%. At any rate it’s at least something.

The other meaning has to do with this pesky old hip injury. The last couple of weeks it hasn’t hurt at all, so I thought things were on the mend. On today’s run, I went six miles and visibly limped when we got back. It took several blocks of walking to stop the gimp, and it came back as I got up from the brunch table after sitting for a few minutes. Pat and I talked constantly during the run (imagine that) so maybe it took my mind off the pain.

The web site is nearly ready for human eyes. I’ve uploaded 160 separate posts so far and I have just a couple more to go. Then Matt and I will talk about (e-mail) the format of the site. So far I’ve broken it down between e-mails, eulogies and ramblings. I’ve also set up a category of stories with pictures. I’m going to try to add pictures to the eulogies so readers know what they looked like. The expectation is that most of you would be interested in the e-mails and wouldn’t care much about the eulogies or ramblings. It’s coming soon.

It’s been interesting going back and posting all of those old e-mails. Through the years I’ve copied almost all of them to a word document called e-mails to friends. The “Word Press” website allows me to copy them from word to the post screen, then edit them and add pictures if I want. I look back to the e-mails I sent while I was recovering from the bike wreck and I’ve edited some of the sentences. I know what I was trying to say, but you had to read so much in between the lines or guess what was going on in my brain that they only made sense to me.

I had forgotten what some of them said and I was entertained when I went through them. It’s funny (not to me) that, through the years, I’ve whined about a lot of injuries. The hip has been a problem for quite some time so maybe it’s more than just a sore tendon.

Our golf game last Sunday was entertaining. We all (Jean, Becky, Jan Kietzmann and I) had some good shots and some awful shots. We had just enough good shots to bring us back again. Even when I play a lot, I’m still just mediocre which fits in well with my swimming, biking and running. We had fun and finished up with drinks on the deck of the 19th hole.

Bill, Larry and I went on a 38 mile bike ride yesterday in the wind. We did the northern part of the 24 hour challenge route. Riding East across Sisson Road, then Brown Road was brutal. I’ve had a slight bug the last couple of days so I was lethargic and my legs were burning from the time we started until the time we finished. Of course I whined about that. What else could you expect? Once we turned onto Velte Road, the riding got a little easier and when we went straight West, we were pushed along nicely.

Congratulations to the girls who did the Indianapolis Half Marathon yesterday. Jean says all had a decent race and everybody had fun. How long do you think it will take for all the real stories to come out? “What happens in Indianapolis, stays in Indianapolis” will be difficult with 11 women keeping the secrets, and I say that with the utmost respect of the opposite sex.

Just (Sitting Here With My Foot In My Mouth) Jack