I never said I was very smart and I’ve proven it over the last few years by doing triathlons, especially long course triathlons. This couple of weeks are the hardest in the Multi-Sports training program for Ironman Wisconsin. The Saturday ride was 4 to 5 hours (so we all know that sissies go 4 hours and studs go 5, right?…of course Jean went 6) at heart rate 2 followed by a 50 to 60 minute heart rate 2-3 run.

Larry and I decided to do the loop we did a couple of weeks ago which simulates the hills at Madison. It was a great day to ride and I follow Paul and Roch’s guidance by experimenting with what works nutritionally for me on long rides. I had been mixing Carbo Pro with Gatorade and carrying it in bottles that I carried in bottle cages on the bike. I would wash it down with Gatorade in my Camel Back (a plastic 50 ounce bladder filled with mold and mildew from previous rides). On the last long ride I would have to get a new bottle of the mixture for each loop and would fill the Camel Back every other loop.

I would mix the Carbo Pro in two bottles to provide enough calories for a 3.5 hour ride so it was “syrupy”. By the time I finished the rides in the past I would gag at the sight of Gatorade or anything else sweet. This time I decided to fill the Camel Back with enough Gatorade and Carbo Pro for a 5 hour ride and I washed it down with water, hence not overdoing the sweets. Each loop was a little over 30 miles and each time I would stop back at the car and get two more bottles of water. At 5 hours I had consumed all of the Gatorade (48 ounces…300 calories), the Carbo Pro (12 measuring spoons…1,344 calories) and 6 bottles (20 ounces each) of water.

When it got time for the run I could tell I was not in great shape and only ran 33 minutes. I was weak and nauseous and starting to feel light headed. It took me a few minutes to figure out that I had consumed plenty of calories and plenty of fluids but very few electrolytes. This is the time that Mr. Wizard (most of you are too young to know who that is) would come on the screen and tell you why you need electrolytes.

Without getting into the science of it all, I’m a fairly heavy sweater (not a cardigan type…a water pouring out of every pore type) and I lose a lot of salt, potassium, calcium, etc. that must be replaced. If you don’t replace them your muscles stop “firing” and you hit the wall. I know all that so why would I replace all the Gatorade (a good source of electrolytes) with water (almost no electrolytes) and not make it up with electrolyte supplements (Succeed Capsules or Endurolytes that I have in my cupboard)? Dumb!

I’ve been whining about a sore butt from my bike seat for so long everyone’s eyes just roll back in their heads and they start daydreaming about anything else while I repeat the same old story. So here we are 5 weeks from the race and I need to do something about that bike seat. I haven’t felt this uncomfortable since the diaper rash epidemic of ’46/’47. I asked Jean last night if her collarbone was healed enough so she could hold the chair cushion down while I took a rope and tied it to my “Terry Liberator” seat from hell (sorry Mom, seat from heck) for comfort. She just laughed at me.

So everyone who has ever done a Triathlon will tell you “NEVER CHANGE ANYTHING RIGHT BEFORE A RACE”. But at this point I could put a rose bush where the seat should be and it couldn’t feel much worse so I plan to try a new seat this week. If I can’t find one right away, I’ll suffer with the old one but I think I should be able to get comfortable with a new seat in 5 weeks. Dumb!

So today’s long run was 180 minutes split between 140 minutes this morning and 40 minutes late this afternoon. Roch and Paul say the thought behind the split is to get the mileage in while allowing time for some recovery to minimize injury. I got out at 7 this morning so I had finished by 9:25 (5 minutes to change out my Gatorade bottle at the cottage at the halfway point). It was more humid than I had thought and, being the whiner that I am, I was sore from nipple rub. Men shouldn’t have those things anyway…they serve no useful purpose and I usually don’t have a problem except on humid days when I sweat a lot.

I went out for my afternoon run at around 4:30 and had a nice easy run at 9:29 pace. The problem was that the nipple rub started just when I got far enough away from the cottage to not turn back. It had only been 7 hours since the last fiasco and I have plenty of Body Glide or Vaseline to rub on them and stop the abrasion. So am I going brain dead or what? Dumb!

I better get my head in the game or Ironman Wisconsin will be another near drowning, followed by a near bike wreck followed by a 26.2 mile walk. Not the way I’d like to do it.

Just (Killed Too Many Brain Cells By Partying) Jack